Wow, it really HAS been a long time....

..a friend reminded me recently that I really should update this. Forced to admit that updating a blog is an intimidating and sometimes despairing idea to a self-conscious perfectionist like me, I realized how truly pathetic that is. So today I have decided to just suck it up and do it. Just write. Here goes....
Probably the most consistent thing in my life the last three months has been chaos. Not the ludicrous, spinning-in-circles-till-you-fall-down craziness, but rather the slow, steady beat of a consistently draining and different schedule... 12 hour days (or 12 hour nights), with mid-week breaks or three-day weekends. When I wasn't working, I was usually sleeping - and really, I'm not sure I'd have spent those bitterly-cold, long, winter days (and nights) any other way. But now I have to re-adjust to "normalcy" in the workplace - strictly daylight hours, Mon-Friday. No weekends. Not just home in time for dinner, but home in time to MAKE dinner. Weird....
The other steady constant has been a growing interest in politics. Those dramatic weeks leading up to the election were filled with reading and news-watching. Analyzing commentators and their coverage. Quickly "growing up" - developing a political "stance" in an environment of extremes and just as quickly learning to defend it. It's laughable now - the cartoonish nature of the election of 2008 and the two-party system we still allow to roost in the Federal Halls. Our country had a choice between two rather sharply contrasting characters.
John McCain is old, experienced, somewhat of a fence-rider, dogmatic in his convictions, and-- despite his obvious good intentions--perhaps a little out of touch with "regular America" (whatever that means). I really believe that he was on the right track - in fact he talked a great deal of the talk we wanted to hear. To be really honest, however, I'm not sure how confident he was in some of it. Or maybe he just didn't have the right marketable personal/practical experience with which to solidify his doctrine into action. Perhaps the Legislative leader that he is does not necessarily translate into Executive leadership confidence and solidarity. Fine. Whatever. I'll give you that argument. So you don't think he's the best for the job - I can buy that.
On the other hand, our other choice is a flashy, dashing motivational speaker (living in a van down by the river...not quite), with the ideals and sweet talk to land him a title of "benevolent dictator"...er, President. Big ideas. Big talk. BIG mistakes on a BAD playing field. Personally, if that's really the best we got to choose from, I think I'd rather have an old-school politically-savvy legislative force in office than the passive-aggressive, naive, semi-Fascist "I intend right, therefore I AM right" grappling and groping of the inexperienced "pretty face" that we got.
Now, in the weeks since the inauguration (and the drama that has ensued/continued on the national stage), most nights I find myself morbidly drawn in to the latest news coverage and commentary on the disaster of our current economic time. PS. I'm so sick of the phrase "unprecedented crisis" (those words together OR on their own) - I wish someone in the spotlight would step up and be pragmatic. Instead, it's like a scene from Big Bang Theory,
"Alright, does everyone know the plan?" (Leonard)
"Yes! I'm going to throw up, Raj is going to wet himself, Sheldon's going to run away, and you...are going to DIE!" (Walowitz)
Watch the news or listen to the president and it's like "Alright, all together now - run in frantic circles, screaming for justice and praying for your life! Good. Now a little more panick. Keep circling...yep, yep.... hands in the air for affect....great! Keep it up...we'll just be over here changing the rules...."
Wait. Excuse me. Is that really the plan? I wish one of these supposed intellectual "experts" would tell little old me what it is I'm really supposed to do. Or is that the point? I'm not supposed to do anything. In fact, I'm supposed to stay out of the way and let anyone and everyone else do something (especially the government). Just keep working (as long as I've got a job). Keep paying bills (as long as I am able to make ends meet). Keep paying taxes (practice for the rest of my life). And don't ask too many questions. It's not about you anymore. Just let us do OUR thing....
The truth is, the economic situation is not one that affects me greatly - at least today. I've still got plenty of time before retirement for Social Security to either prosper or blow up. I only opened a 401k this year, so I guess it can ONLY go uphill in that regard.... I'm NOT a part of any "special" group - first-time home-buyers, families in foreclosure procedure, kids getting ready for college (and looking for free money to do so). I'm not deeply vested in the stock market or banking industry; and despite my ties to Iowa, I am not set up to profit or lose with the implementation of multi-million dollar Federal funding for Pig Smell Research. I am so UN-unique, as a matter of fact, that it appears all that bailout money and tax and budget hoopla of the last 6 weeks isn't going to touch me directly - in good ways or in bad.
I guess that makes me one of the 95% of bland, 'getting-by' middle-class of America. You know - the ones that are supposed to see the most benefits. So far it seems I'm getting passed over on most of the benefits. Not to worry - I don't recall actually expecting or asking for Presidential handouts anyway. Call me a "mean, capitalist bastard" but I'm just not into the Kum-ba-yah free love and sharing that's currently in vogue. It's like the 60's all over again. And despite what you may think, no I DON'T have to have lived through it to fully appreciate its insanity.
So present what reasons you will - and more and more people I talk to didn't like either choice this election - I'll take bumbling speeches, swollen glands, and whatever other trite and human quandries there may be over becoming the next Socialist State under "Obamatopia" any day. Anything but the helpless fearfulness of "will I ever get out of debt?" "will I ever be able to retire?" "will I lose my job before the great O's 'save-the-world' plan goes into effect...um, eventually?"
As a reasonably practical individual - and I would say a fairly compassionate-minded one as well - I am in a bit of a pickle. While it's true that most, if any, tax increases won't do much for this single, employed, no dependents individual. And since I don't make anywhere near a quarter-mil per year, I'm safe from that tier of domination. And despite the fact that I've had an education and am paying through the nose on student loans, I'm not CURRENTLY a student so I won't get any help there. I don't have dependent children and I don't live in a poor urban area in need of massive monetary support. So while the good and the bad both equally pass me by, I can't help but still be irked by the evolution of the current environment around me. Truth be told, whatever doesn't affect me now will most certainly affect me in the future, since no man is an island. No special interest group or economic class is, either.
I may take some comfort in the safety in of my current non-exciting, non-descript status as a young American citizen, but I also take great offense that so many people--in both parties and in all classes/races/genders/religions, etc are giving up (or having stolen from them?) so much freedom now. I know I am not exempt. It is only a temporary safety. It will only be a matter of time until it's my turn. Only a time until our "what's yours is mine" governmental system comes knocking on my door to do my "civic duty" and lay down my red carpet for the ballooning, baffooning parade on Capitol Hill. Don't make waves. Just lay those palm branches down and make way for a collective rescue. (No one would REALLY object to a public rescue, now, would they??)
Now, call me dramatic (which I am). Or call me fiesty and intense (which I also am). Call me a "mean, capitalist bastard." But make no mistake - I am pissed. And each day I struggle more and more with what that means in my practical, everyday, non-interesting, middle-class existence. What can I do? What should I do? What IS there TO do?!?
I do not know. Not for sure, anyway. And that, arguably, is the most infuriating of all. The mandated sense of helplessness as all this "unprecedented crisis" goes on around me. Not reaching me; but surely affecting me. I hate feeling helpless. I don't believe helplessness is acceptable in the America our founding fathers began. On the other hand, what can little-old me really say or do?
What all of this has reinforced for me is that now, AFTER the election, it is more important than ever to STAY involved in politics, insomuch as staying current and educated is concerned. Perhaps that's the most I'll do - do the research and stay informed. Look at the bold and unabashed steps our goverment has taken to repossess our liberty in just 6 weeks - all this while I HAVE been up-to-date and informed. I can't imagine turning my back now - shrugging my shoulders with an "oh well, maybe in 2012" attitude. This is too big - I'm certain of it now. So whatever is ahead, be sure I will be following it closely.... praying for guidance on the "action" part of citizenship along the way....