I'm sure she meant it as a joke, but it helped me pause and check perspective. I can't do everything. Doesn't keep me from trying, it seems, but the truth is that it can't always be done. And accepting that can be a greatly freeing thing. Kind of like when my mom told me before I left for college, "Now when they pile on the homework, remember that there simply isn't time to do it all - it's impossible. Just figure out what you NEED to do and do your best at that."
Amen. Boy, was she ever right. And knowing that going in helped that test schedule or brand new syllabus just a smidge less intimidating. :)
Makes me wonder what brand of psychosis it is that drives me to do these things? Take on projects, self-impose deadlines, make things from scratch instead of buying them, etc?
Hoping to impress someone? Not usually. Wanting to be thorough? Yes. Saving $? Sure. Helping out a friend? Why, of course!
But it makes me wonder, at times, if perhaps I'm letting my "hobbies get in the way of life.."? Occasionally, I figure it's good to step back and take inventory of my priorities...
And you want to know the truth?
The truth is, I enjoy the variety of having multiple tasks to do at one time. I always work a little better if I'm under a slight bit of pressure (or at least, am more motivated then, and that counts for something). The truth is, I really, really ENJOY being able to pursue 101 different outlets, opportunities, projects, and ideas at this point in my life. It's an incredible freedom. Often intimidating. A little expensive. ;) But ultimately rewarding - even if it's only the sense of satisfaction it brings to me.
Is that selfish? I wonder some days. Then I remember the words "be faithful with what you've been given TODAY." I strive to make that my mantra.
I've lived too many yesterdays hoping for a "someday."
..."Someday" I'll find that person to journey with into forever....
..."Someday" people will be throwing me a house-warming party....
..."Someday" I'll be the one taking an extended vacation overseas....
...."Someday" I'll be able to afford __fill-in-the-blank__....
...."Someday" I'll own my own business.....
"Someday" this will all make sense to me....
If Nashville taught me nothing else, it's that "someday" is really possible - even probable - if I simply pursue it. But I have to be willing to try. I have to step out and ask the question I'm afraid to hear the answer for. I have to make time to try that thing I'm not sure I can do.
...I'm starting to sound like a motivational self-help guru or something now - ick. All I know is that at every turn these days I am reminded of the Parable of the Talents. The master wasn't so much impressed with how much the servants gleaned from their investments; rather he was happiest that they invested.
I still don't understand what that means for me today, necessarily, but I find myself gravitating more and more to those things that put me "out there." Doing something. Investing. Giving back. Storing up. Living like I have a sense of purpose - even if that purpose isn't clear.
It's when I remember that story - and MY story - and the worried priority-checking fades away (at least mostly). I realize that this is all I can do: something. Whatever "something" today brings about - even the seemingly trivial and "extracurricular" things I seem to spend so much time and energy on these days...
My prayer is simply that God takes all those scattered, crazy, hodge-podge "somethings" and is pleased.
After all, if He can maintain a sense of order in this vast universe, surely He can make sense of my puzzles - perhaps even make them beautiful?.... I pray that it be so....
~Courtney
PS. ...now, on to sewing..... ;) Or, now that I've mentioned it, I might start a jigsaw puzzle - haven't done one of them in awhile.....
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